September has been too bright.
きつね, 狐,
If you want to step into the world of the supernatural, I must suggest having seizures for the better part on the month on the daily to the point things feel hyper real and out of place and nothing feels right. And after awhile sleep becomes impossible and everything just really begins to suck, depression moves in and takes root and all in all it’s terrible. We can get worse though, we can add arthritis in the back, hands and feet to wear walking or moving is quite difficult. That’s been my September. I can sorta ride my bike, which is the most mobile I can be because that tendon on the right can’t stretch. My hand hurts and my back. I need to be in the desert where rain doesn’t move in I suppose. On my bike I think at least, I’m graceful, I feel graceful and mobile and normal – but I only have energy to ride every so often.
I did find that taking N-A-G (Glucosamine) effectively stopped the fucking seizures. I hope it will help with the arthritis also. I’m getting stricter on the diet. No dairy, no meat, little processed anything.
So I’ll stop spitting all over September, damnable fucking month that it is, and say a few words about what I’m doing.
I’m studying Japanese – most days, not everyday, but at least everyday I listen to Japanese and try to comprehend. I have to go over things many times to memorize and I’m unsure I’m able to permanently retain anything I learn anymore.
I started reading and finished a very good book about LasVegas mafia called, ‘Casino’ it made me wonder who the big capos were paying off, who the largest fish were – because I don’t think it was the old bosses persay, I think they gave a cut to someone else as well. Just a hunch based on 2023 goggles I suppose when the corruption goes far but it’s all the same old mob tactics, except this time they also control the media.
I thought I had put on the movie for Casino, but it turned out to be Halloween H20 which I didn’t really figure out for at least ten minutes.
My dreams have been so strange. I saw my grandma in my dream last night and she said she would come and help me with my house, get it cleaned up and sorted, and I told her – you were the strongest person I knew and you kept a house expertly. I realized I lacked her expertise and I lacked her health, and maybe that is what life is. We’re all just incomplete little puzzle pieces. I don’t know if that means we’re all meant to work together or maybe find the missing pieces, I don’t know what it means at all.
My grandma wasn’t creative. I can’t turn it off for five minutes it feels like.
Today on the bike ride I saw a tree down and covered in moss, but I saw a collapsed giant green spider and the story of how he had come to be in the forest ensued until I made myself stop and pay fucking attention to what I was doing.
This time of year with the angle of the sun, the sun is harsh, very harsh white lines against the concrete path, and the shadows are dark indigo — and you have to just bare the hot white / dark indigo back and forth, back and forth while riding a bike and it’s annoying to my eyes, which may be overly sensitive granted.
Well after the giant collapsed green spider with his legs crumpling under him in a shaft of sunlight was a very large spider suspended from the top of an over hanging tree branch, so that he was at eye level and given the legs, body, et all, he was about the size of a golf ball, hanging suspended in a dust moted ray of light with it reflecting off his shiny exo and as he slowly spun he wiggled each leg. So all in all it was lit up and slowly rotating with the legs moving, and I made a great effort to avoid it I can assure you.
Now though, recalling it, it was so surreal maybe I imagined it because I see spiders everywhere when I seize anyway and I’m surprised it hasn’t been worse then that this go around. I’ve had more seizures this month then I typically do in a year. Let’s hear it for healthy eating. *sigh* That’s sarcasm. Whatever I’m doing, it is producing results, maybe not what I thought would happen though. hmm.
That’s my september so far.
