My quote after being lectured that I really should go to the doctor by a receptionist on the phone who also couldn’t book me. Apparently there is a huge shortage of doctors right now.
After 30 minutes in the gym my chest feels constricted, like a metal band is across it getting tightened. The walk-in emergency clinic said I could come in, but they were absolutely packed out and it might be all day waiting and I might not get seen. I recall when the selling point of our American healthcare system was that the capitalist model meant no waiting lists to see a doctor! For the most part regular physicians I call don’t have waiting lists. They just say no. 3 hours of phoning. I give up finally.
After covid my lungs are a bit shit. Sometimes I get this unreal chest pain and can’t breathe. Pretty sure that’s my heart.
I’m being a lot more careful.
I don’t know if my diet would be approved of by anyone, anywhere, but I cut out all grains. I cut out all dairy. I cut almost all sugar. Sometimes a little bit gets in there, but over all… it’s the best I can do. I added hot peppers, garlic, tumeric tea, blueberries and all the superfoods I can fit into my day — that I enjoy. The goal is to reduce inflammation, rebuild my lungs, buy me some time I guess.
Since, uh’ people keep dropping dead randomly… spending more time on things that count. Just outings with the kids and days on the beach. I’m going to garden. Wear pretty things. And be a little indulgent, just not so much around food. 😛
A lot of times the toes on my feet randomly feel broken.
I’m not sure if it’s pinched nerves or wth. They hurt tremendously and I’ve been wearing toe socks, Injinji’s and they wrap each toe in a woolly protection that keeps them a little warmer and I also wear socks to sleep in so my feet won’t get cold and hurt worse. It’s in my hands and knees too. This is the longest and worse arthritis flare I’ve had.
I haven’t been able to run sadly. While the joints are potentially swollen and inflamed I could damage them if I run on ’em. But, I do non-impact work at the gym and I walked a lot at the light house with just a bit of pain. I bought new shoes from New Balance that are quite nice and very supportive. I changed over to Rouvy from the overly politically invested bullshit of Zwift.
After I started the new diet, my kidneys felt better. Oh’ yeah — did I mention the kidney damage? But uh, yeah they have stopped hurting. If I drank a Cola or ate something kinda shit — I would go back to being in pain though and my GI would stop functioning. So I have a lot of organs involved, a lot of inflammation.
I had an absolutely lovely time with my kids. They’re so smart. They know so many random factoids like their silly momma. My son has an interview for a very good job, but also has been offered another very good job too, so I know he’s okay. He’ll make it alright. So will my girl, she’s so clever.
I’m pretty good at self-medicine, but I don’t know how this is going to go.
Sometimes my heart kinda seizes and I’m like… is this it? I duck out of the world at a 5:20 on a sunday or something. People like to think they have a lot of control I guess, but eh’ reality is we don’t. We don’t really understand what happened, or what the agenda is or who or what is even behind it. But, uh, for now I’m so glad I was able to see that beautiful ocean, that amazing sunshine and spend it with my children. That was worth everything to me.
The ghosts wanted me to leave.
The ghost of my grandma in particular, but I can’t leave my kids and the sunlit summer days and the ocean. I’m sorry ghosts. It was my decision, and from the start, from before the babies were born – I was dedicated. Maybe I messed up a bit, but I figured if I loved them with everything I had, maybe I wouldn’t suck as a mom.
Grandma ghost got disgusted and left and said she wasn’t going to talk to me again. I haven’t had the dreams since.
People who work in nursing homes, and people who are superstitious or raised with the old lore know what it means when you start seeing the ghosts. So, I know the situation is serious.
But I haven’t given up hope.
I’ll eat as well I as reckon I can, avoid additives as much as possible, and try my best.
Anyway, if this is my last post — well the weather was beautiful this week. I really love my family, my cats, the deer in the yard and uh’ it’s been cool. As a child I was so afraid of the future, but uh’ yeah it turned out okay. I was given hard choices that tested me, what kind of person am I really? Stubborn as fuck. lol.
Anyway, enjoy life, in whatever ways you can. It will always challenge you, that’s kinda the point.
-Cheers
